ADDICTIONS:  WHAT IS TO BE LEARNED FROM
MICHAEL JACKSON’S LIFE AND DEATH?

In the late 1980s, when I was trained to work with addicts, we were still fighting against the image of an addict as being someone who was depicted stereotypically as the bum on the street corner. Worse still, physicians in every area of medicine (including psychiatry) were often not taught how to identify and/or how to treat an addict. In fact, when people entered hospitals for routine surgeries, they were seldom asked how much alcohol they normally consumed or whether or not they used other substances or prescription drugs. Not having that information, doctors often prescribed addictive pain killers upon releasing such patients and thereby enabled their addiction to continue, sometimes even intensifying their addictive needs.

Although medical schools have begun to educate their students better and we are becoming more knowledgeable as a society, we are also, I fear, only a few steps ahead of where were years ago.

What provokes me to address the problem of addiction at this particular time is the death of Michael Jackson.

In the past several weeks there hasn’t been one day when the media hasn’t covered and re-covered the tragedy of his life and his death. It matters not to me what any of us think we know about Jackson’s proclivities and lavish life-style. What is indisputable is that the man was uniquely talented but at the same time allegedly suffered from a variety of addictions.

Naturally, I hope that his story does, in the end, better educate us all. However, what I find most disturbing is the fact that there seems to have been so many people enabling him throughout the years of his addictions. Additionally, the crimes against his body and his psyche are horrific enough, but somehow omitted in the coverage of his suffering is the consequences of his absence from the lives of his three children during the days when he apparently required total isolation.

Also, because his life and death have been made so outrageously public - the money he had and the ability he possessed to convince others to support his various habits will hopefully uncover sufficient evidence leading to those who aided and abetted in his death. But, the tragedy of Jackson’s life is not what will be disputed. What caused his death will no doubt be the subject argued by prosecutors and defenders who will present their cases adnauseam, along with so-called friends and hangers on, all wanting their moment in the spotlight. The multitude of factors that led to his addictions will most likely be an occasional side-bar.

What the public needs to understand and where the focus must be placed is on the fact that Michael Jackson was self-medicating just as every addict has before him and will after him. His need for his drug(s) of choice was no different than any addict whether rich, poor, White, Black, Native American Indian, or Latino. Once someone becomes addicted to any drug or any behavior, satisfying the need for that drug will lead to desperate acts.
The addict of 2009 is as likely to be a CEO, a working/single parent, a family man or college professor, as a homeless person. There is no one face for an addict.  The person's history may differ in a variety of ways and the drug of choice each one chooses may be different. But, his/her life eventually spirals downward in very similar, sad, and often tragic ways.

What clearly distinguishes Jackson and other wealthy addicts from the public at large is that they have the money to lure professionals into satisfying their habit. Whatever personal experiences may have led to their addictions – whether forms of abuse, neglect, or fame that afforded them wealth at too early an age – in Jackson’s case they will, I assume, be submerged in an attempt to discover the exact cause of his death. What is certain, though, is that no amount of external wealth could ever satisfy the underlying causes for the self-destructive behaviors that led him to self-medicate, that forced him to seek treatment for an impoverished psyche. Therein lies the real tragedy!

The important question that needs to be addressed, therefore, is whether addicts can be helped without supporting their habit. The answer has been proven time and again to be YES.  However, the percentage of those who remain abstinent depends on what statistics you read and who has sponsored any given study.

One thing is certain, though.  With the exception of infants who are born addicted due to their mother's "use" during pregnancy, nobody who does not use drugs is an addict.  However, once addicted to any drug or drugs, it is possible to become abstinent.  It's never easy.  But many have done so, and it is possible.

What needs to be understood is that an addict chooses a drug (or drugs) of choice to relieve anxiety,  depression, or both.  The drug of choice is always helpful at first, because it is a quick, easy fix to a problem the addict can not name and may not consciously be able to understand or explain. What he does know is that whatever he is experiencing isn’t tolerable and he must seek relief. That was as true for Michael Jackson as it is for any addict.  At first, drug(s) offer relief.  Yet, once the bloom wears off, addiction takes hold and the addict becomes the victim, a person no longer in control of his life but controlled by his addiction.

Unfortunately, most addicts only seek help when they hit rock bottom. Why?  Because, when they first began to use, they did so because they believed it made them feel better. It was even empowering. But, there’s the trickery! For while it might have taken as few as one or two drinks or one or two pills or hits to offer comfort in the beginning, in time many pills or countless drinks or needles were needed to obtain the same relief. And relief is what is craved not only emotionally but physiologically. It is at that point that they will do anything to chase after that relief.

If we are to examine addiction further, we know that most addicts have to hit rock bottom before they will seek help or accept help.

When addicted to a chemical substance or prescription drug, the addict must first be de-toxed in a safe medical environment in order to be helped. Ideally, if insurance permits, the de-tox will be followed by a daily program involving the support of individual counseling and requiring attendance at a Twelve-Step meeting.  But, once released from the safety of such a secure setting, they are at the mercy of people, places and things that are likely to trigger a recurrence of their “habit.”  This is when entering an out-patient treatment facility is necessary. Counseling with a professional specifically trained to work with addicts can help maintain abstinence by offering constructive options to ease anxiety or depression and relieve the pain. Yet, until they come face to face with their personal demons, they will forever chase after the drug that – at least at first – took that pain away.

Even given all that - as with any disease - once identified, the patient’s responsibility is to do whatever is necessary to remain healthy.  For addicts, their demons are devilish. They must be acknowledged and confronted in order to remain abstinent.

The best treatment includes a combination of individual therapy along with a Self-Help program such as any one of the Twelve-Step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous being only one of many.  Attending such meetings, and having a sponsor to turn to at any time of the day or night, can be life-altering and life-saving.

For there is life after addiction!  And that life can be one of quality, despite the fact that there are no guarantees for any of us.

At this point, I offer the reader something that most people attending in any one of the many programs is likely to have read at one time or another.  Although the author is anonymous, the message is profound.  I hope by including it here, the reader will better understand the Michael Jacksons of our world as well as any person who suffers from any addiction.

HELLO, OLD FRIEND
"Hello, old friend! I’ve come to visit once again. I live to see you SUFFER
MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, Spiritually and SOCIALLY! I want to make you RESTLESS so you can never relax! I want you to be JUMPY and NERVOUS and ANXIOUS! I want to make you AGITATED and IRRITABLE so everything and everybody makes you UNCOMFORTABLE! I want you to be CONFUSED and DEPRESSED so that you can’t think clearly or positively! I want to make you HATE everything and everybody. Especially yourself! I want you to feel GUILTY and REMORSEFUL for the things you’ve done in the past that you’ll never be able to let go of! I want to make you ANGRY and HATEFUL toward the world for the way it is and the way you are!

I want you to FEEL SORRY for yourself and BLAME everything but your addiction for the way things are! I want you to be DECEITFUL and UNTRUSTWORTHY and to MANIPULATE and CON as many people as possible! I want to make you FEARFUL and PARANOID for no reason at all! I want you to wake up during all hours of the night and scream for me! You know you can’t sleep without me! I’m even in your dreams! I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out or pass out!

I would rather kill you, but I’ll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail! But you know I’ll still be waiting for you when you get out! I love to watch you slowly go INSANE! I love to see all the physical damage that I’m causing you. I cant’ help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, and when you wake with your sheets and blankets soaking wet! It’s amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while, at the same time, I work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit!

I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me! The countless good jobs you’ve lost for me! Remember all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and gave up for me? Plus, what’s more, the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions … for that, I’m even more grateful! Think specifically of your loved ones, your family … the most important people in the world to you … you even threw them away for me! I cannot express in words the gratitude I have for the loyalty and respect you have for me … you sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life, just to devote yourself completely to me! But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend! For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more! You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul … for I will not be satisfied until you are DEAD, my friend!

My name is your addiction …!!!"

*Should you know anyone in need of help, contact me and I will do my best to connect you with the proper people and places that can best offer the assistance needed.  Remember: any un-treated addict is a tragedy waiting to happen!

                   WHY THE MEMORY of WALTER KRONKITE
                                                      must be treasured:            

            

From the moment the media received word of Walter Cronkite’s death, every television station began replaying images of him spanning the many years he was considered to be the most respected journalist/anchorman here and abroad.

In each of the broadcasts, he was referred to as the man we all “trusted.” President Obama said Cronkite "was always more than just an anchor. He was someone we could trust to guide us through the most important issues of the day; a voice of certainty in an uncertain world. He was family. He invited us to believe in him, and he never let us down. This country has lost an icon and a dear friend, and he will be truly missed."

Though few of us had the privilege of knowing him personally, we all felt as though we did. Looking directly at us through the lens of any camera, he reported every story in a way that we could all understand and thereby gave us hope and strength as he did so. There was no ego driving the man, no glossy TV “personality.” There was intelligence and a twinkle in his eye that let us know he was doing his job. His boundaries were clear, his style unencumbered, his language crisp and filled with the courage of a man who saw war up close and knew the game of politics but never betrayed a politician. He exemplified integrity and his forthrightness as an up-front witness to history in the making allowed us to be taken along for the ride in a way that made us feel we were with him wherever he was, seeing whatever he saw, feeling as passionately about the first trip to the moon and as shocked and saddened about the death of President Kennedy as he felt.

Some have referred to him as President Obama did during these past forty-eight hours – as an icon. I doubt that he would have agreed. He was too humble, too caught up in acting responsibly as he conveying the news – the facts as he knew them to be - without embellishment and/or any need to be revered. Respected, yes! But an icon? I don’t believe so.

That is exactly why the man and his work must be treasured. Those of us who grew up knowing his face and recognizing his voice remember the power that his honesty and intelligence wielded. When, for example, he told us that the war in Viet Nam would never be a victory, President Johnson was forced to accept the futility of further engagement, and the course of history was altered.

We owe it to Cronkite and to ourselves to treasure his memory and accomplishments, if we wish those who anchor the news to follow a standard of excellence. False idols abound. We need voices that report the news as he did, without bias or theatrics. Voices that will be heard as “voices of certainty in an uncertain world.”

~ L.A.S.

TIMES OF TRANSITION

I wonder how many different transitions each of us experiences during a life time.

There are the obvious developmental stages we all move through: babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood, pre-adolescence, adolescence, young adulthood, middle age, and older age. But, hopefully, every transition offers a time for introspection, a time to consider who we are, who we want to become and, in the end, who we have become.

In my extended family (where each of my parents was one of 8 children), there were never fewer than 100 people – aunts, uncles, first cousins, second cousins, second cousins once removed, and the list went on – attending a family party or wedding. But as children, each and every one of my cousins (and myself, as well), imagined that we’d always be seated at a table designated for “the children.”

Then, as the years passed, and most of us married, we were seated at tables for the young adults. Without going through the many years from those years until now, I would be less than honest if I didn’t admit to the fact that now that we are being seated at the “old peoples’ table,” it is a shocking, visible, public acknowledgment/humiliation of sorts. It is letting everyone know that we are no longer who we were, that now our children and grandchildren are being seated in the chairs and at the tables that once were ours. And it’s not that it should be otherwise that makes it shocking. It’s rather that most of us don’t see ourselves as others do. My cousin Ron, for example, will always be a year younger than me, and cousin Hannah a year and half older, and we’re all still kids. Aren’t we? Isn’t age only a number that reflects the years we’ve lived? Years. Time. Man-made constructs that may reflect a change in the way we look, but not necessarily how we feel or perceive ourselves to be … until, that is, we have grandkids who are probably the only ones who really know we’re not kids.

“Don’t worry, Grandma,” my grandson Eric recently said: “You can learn to play that computer game if you try. I’ll explain it slowly and you’ll get it. You’ll see.” And he’s only 8! Imagine how old and impaired he must think I am!

So, yes, the times of transitions from one stage to another, one role to another, one profession to another and sometimes even one marriage to another … they all define who we are, what we’ve learned or not learned from any given experience or period in our lives. The bad news is that try as we may, we can’t stop time from moving on, marching to its own drummer, just as we march to ours. Yet, we can mark time by appreciating it, by valuing and treasuring the relatives whom we love, the friends whom we’ve had for years and those whom we’ve just recently met. We can accept life’s challenges with dignity and pride or we can decide we’re too old to learn anything new, to do anything differently from the way we’ve always done it and to remain closed to change and the changes in the world that are occurring too quickly for any of us – young or old – to keep track.

Perhaps this summer more than summers past, I am aware of 2009 as being a time of transition for many of us in my immediate family. I’m also aware of how other people’s lives are changing - some for the better, others worse. However, as each of us transitions from one day to the next, from one stage in our life to another, it gives us reason to pause, if you will, to mark times of transition without losing hope.

I do not find it to be acceptable, for instance, - now that my knees hurt when I walk up a flight of stairs, when my knees never gave me a problem before – to allow those knees to define who I am or for others to define who they are by their various ailments or illnesses. Pain is never fun and suffering is even worse. But as my parents and older relatives who are no longer with us would have said: “Life’s never easy, but would you want the alternative?” And they would have said that as orphaned immigrants who escaped from a country torn apart by war.

So why would I -- someone born in America and afforded the many privileges of living my life here – answer them with anything but an unequivocal NO. The fact is that all of us inevitably find ourselves being seated at tables that were once reserved for our elders, and though most of us don’t relate to that until we are forced to do so, the only reasonable alternative is to accept the reality of aging since it is one over which we have no control.

On good days, especially, I try to do so with grace and dignity. I attempt, at least, to give my grandchildren fewer and fewer reasons to think of me as someone who is ancient. After all, I have no desire to become a relic!

Anyone out there in cyberspace feel differently? Hope not!

Have a great week!

~ Linda

IS THE CURRENT FOCUS ON UPHOLDING “FAMILY VALUES” THE SAME AS VALUING ONE’S FAMILY?

Once upon a time “family values” meant teaching by example: that is, living in a family meant living under one roof where – in the best case scenario – the adults in charge taught children how to be helpful and honest, and how to respect their elders and care for others.

Clearly, times have changed. Even the very picture of what constitutes a family in the 21st century is different. More often than not today, though a family may still live under one roof, we have many more single parent families, other families with same sex parents, bi-racial or inter-faith parents, or blended families where each of the parents has been married previously and their children then inherit a variety of step-siblings. Yet, while the members of any given family may no longer fit our previously held stereotypical norms, a family is still a group of people where the adults in charge are responsible for role modeling values which teach children how to be in the world: how to be honest and helpful and where offering unconditional love remains paramount to the healthy development of any child.

In many ways, modern day society is making the necessary adjustments to modern day needs. Some argue that these changes have been for the better, since they represent a society in the process of maturing and becoming more inclusive, accepting and not shunning those who may not be like themselves.

Personally, it doesn’t matter to me whether or not one accepts the changes, but it does matter greatly when anyone is hypocritical, talking the talk but not walking the walk! Those, for instance, who preach from religious or political pulpits about “family values” and then go on to act with total disregard for loyalty to their very own families and/or constituents are the men and women who exemplify modern day hypocrisy.

I can’t presume to speak for others, but I certainly do not feel the need for any of us to act saintly. I do, however, think that what has become unacceptable is the media’s coverage of those men and women who have “fallen from grace.” Celebrities who may once have been worthy of being held in high esteem are being turned into celebrities of immorality who are all too visible and accessible.

For those whose views are far to the right, people acting in ways that don’t conform to their definition of “normal” are considered immoral, perverted, unredeemable transgressors, and often un-American.

At the other extreme, we see the same rigidity when those who don’t conform to the so-called liberal outlook are branded as fascists, despots, and, yes, even un-American.

Given these extremes, I can’t help but wonder how it will be possible for us to find a middle ground, a place of sanity. A place where we don’t proclaim to be saints pointing fingers at sinners, and where what we choose to find acceptable may not reflect our personal life style but certainly isn’t harming anyone else’s. In the end, I suppose I do believe that what we need to change is the fabric of what we too glibly refer to as “family values.”
•

When I was growing up in the 1940s and 50s – a child of immigrants who were proud to become citizens of our United States – family members were taught to trust and protect one another. I’m not saying that siblings didn’t fight or that every marriage was a loving and affectionate one. But I am saying that at least we all professed to know what family members should, at least, attempt to do for one another in times of crisis as well as in times of joy.

We certainly did not expect our political leaders to openly admit – whether of their own accord or because they were forced to do so – to having a mistress or a second family or to be spending government money to support personal and/or perverse habits. . At the very least, we did not expect that once having admitted to any betrayal they would then expect to be excused and forgiven without impunity.

Whether we were naïve or simply shut our eyes to wrong-doings is not the issue. No doubt much that we consider to be immoral has always been a part of human nature. Transgressions of unethical and anti-social behaviors have existed since the beginning of time. Though they are no longer afforded the luxury of occurring behind closed doors, which helps the victims of abuse, instant media blitzing and an all-too-constant televised rehashing of personal and public improprieties is not merely an invasion of the privacy of all parties, it encourages children and adults to be jaded, immune to wrong-doings, and the end result is that there are fewer and fewer people to emulate.

The truth is that we are inundated, surrounded and buried under a trash heap of all that’s wrong with society. We see major sports figures admitting to drug abuse or wife-battering. In the world of politics, officials whom we have elected into office to protect our rights and fight for the betterment of our lives prove to be the very people who either squander our money or display anything but family values in their private lives, proving themselves to be not merely hypocritical but self-serving men and women with no values that we would ever wish them to teach our family members. Why does the media, in particular, place so little focus on all that is good, on all who perform acts of extraordinary kindness and courage, saving lives and uplifting the human spirit? Why do we so seldom read about such people and why isn’t enough tribute being paid to all that is good in society?

So, where do we look for guidance and encouragement? Where and how do we break this cycle that is destroying the rich value of family traditions, tarnishing our heroes and diminishing what was – once upon a time – the backbone of a civilized family. A family which, in turn, gave us hope that a civilized family of nations was a possible achievement?

Having posed the question, I welcome any of your thoughtful solutions.

~ Linda