IS DESCRIBING A FEMINIST THE SAME AS DEFINING ONE?

This blog was inspired by one I read recently at Wednesday’s Woman, a site I truly respect and one that always challenges me to think.

This time what entertained me the most was the author's asking if any of us could pick a feminist out in a crowded room today. That one question triggered my memory cells back to a very specific evening in the early 60s when I was on holiday from college and was having dinner in Manhattan with two high school friends. (Maxine, Dorothy, and I had all graduated from Abraham Lincoln High School in Brooklyn, NY. Maxine was a scholarship student at Radcliffe,which had not yet merged with Harvard University; Dorothy was a scholarship student at Rochester University, and I had been given a scholarship to attend Bennington College.)

So, there we were on a cold, winter’s night getting together in NYC.  No longer “high school kids,” we no doubt felt sophisticated meeting at a Chinese restaurant in "the city."  Yet, soon after exchanging hugs and kisses and stories about mutual friends we’d been writing to at various other colleges, the subject somehow changed to politics.  Dorothy and Maxine got into a heated conversation about a woman whom they referred to as Betty Friedan.  Maxine began by saying: “Finally, women like Friedan are once again addressing the issues so desperately in need of being addressed.  We all have to become a part of this rising movement, this new feminism.  Dorothy concurred, adding that she had read Friedan was in the process of writing a book addressing the frustrations of all educated women who were no longer satisfied with being stay-at-home mothers with no voice in government policy or the ability to fight for the rights of women around the globe.

The book to which Dorothy referred was later published and released as THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE, an instant best seller, and one which introduced other like-minded women to the movement where she claimed she was addressing a problem ‘that had no name.’ In words that spoke to millions of American women, she wrote, "the problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years in the minds of American women.  It was a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning [that is, a longing] that women suffered in the middle of the 20th century in the United States.  Each suburban wife struggled with it alone.  As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question:  'Is this all?'"

Attacking the notion that "biology is destiny," under which women were expected to devote their lives to being wives and mothers and give up all other pursuits, Friedan called upon women to do whatever it took to discover other meaningful activities.

Then, in 1966, three years after its publication and three years after Dorothy, Maxine and I had earned our undergraduate degrees, Friedan was one of the leading founders of the first major organizations established since the 1920s devoted to women's rights: the National Organization for Women (NOW). As its first president, she led NOW in their work for political reforms, helping to secure legal equality for all women. She also paved the way for other trail blazers whom I came to recognize and know as Bella Abzug (the woman in the big hats), and Gloria Steinem (the beautiful lady who was often seen sporting over sized, stylish eyeglasses). Each of them became a household name to those of us interested in the Woman’s Rights Movement.

But, on that evening in Manhattan when my two dear friends spoke so knowingly about Friedan, I sat there in utter horror. I didn’t know who she was nor did I know about the cause for which she stood. I was embarrassingly unaware of what they were referring to as feminism; and worse yet, I was attending one of the most magnificent liberal colleges for women in America. So, what did that say about me? I sat there with more than just proverbial egg on my face. All my insecurities about my intellect, my ability to be an independent thinker and contribute to the world in a meaningful way made it impossible for me to enjoy my won ton soup. Instead, what resurfaced were the all too frequent belly aches of my adolescent years. My legs underneath the table wobbled and without saying a word, I vowed that I would go to the public library and read anything and everything I could about Betty Friedan.

In that state of feeling totally inferior, I was tempted to ask them if they had picketed any Woolworth’s near their campus as I had done in the town of Bennington. Those of us who did picket, however, were laughed at “big time” because while we were picketing the store’s policy not to allow “Negros” to sit at the counter and eat along with other customers, the fact was that there were no Negros or people of any color other than White in Bennington in those days. All who passed us by simply referred to us as bratty college girls who were merely trying to call attention to ourselves but knew nothing about the rights for which we were claiming to be fighting. So, I thought better than to open up that issue for discussion. In fact, I said absolutely nothing to my friends. I simply sat there, mute, feeling terribly inadequate, unaware of what was apparently something I should have known about, a movement that would soon be known around the world as FEMINISM.

And while the so-called feminists or would-be feminists of those very early years, I must admit, did all seem a bit left of center or a bit off center, it took several years and many more women(including myself)to raise our consciousness to where it was no longer possible for me or any of us to spot a feminist, just as it is no longer possible to know – simply by looking at any woman today – what her social/political/ creative agenda may or may not be.

Perhaps we older feminists – those of us who were birthed in the earlier years of the movement – do appear to be more ordinary-looking, the greater truth is that whether our hair is black, brown, blond, or purple, or whether we wear pearls or sport tattoos, or live in countries where oppression of women is the norm or live in America where we at least profess to respect women’s rights, the fight is far from over.

It is still true that women’s health and life expectancy are still dropping worldwide, and the economic wage gap of the 1970s still exists, despite the fact that women account for 60% or more of undergraduate and master’s degree enrollment.

That being so, we must continue to stand together, our voice must be one voice as we express our belief in a woman’s right to good health care, the right to higher education, job opportunities and equal pay for equal work. And, perhaps, more important than anything else, we must fight for the right to defend ourselves from any and all abuse. Whether the abuse is in a workplace, a family, or in a culture which still sees us and treats us as property and/or as second class citizens, we must let our voices be heard! We must act knowing that knowledge is power and gain that power by whatever peaceful means are available to us!

Does anyone believe it to be more than a coincidence that it is in the most oppressed countries of the world, countries such as Iran, in which freedom of the press is a joke and where women – even those who are permitted to be educated – are not permitted to show their faces or speak their truth?

As I find myself saying in most of my blogs, these times are more than merely challenging! Now, perhaps more than ever before, we must fight the fight, join all brave women who are willing to speak out - some even at the risk of losing their lives – and yes, when possible, we, too, must take action. We must do so here in America as well as in foreign countries. We must help our sisters to live in freedom, to be given the right to see their dreams realized in good health, and to fulfill their intellectual/creative potential with hope and with dignity.

I wish nothing less for all of us.

~Linda

JUST HOW MUCH DO WE AMERICANS TAKE FOR GRANTED?

That we live in a democracy is a given. That we have lived to witness a person of color become President is more than just progress, and that we have freedom of the press is something we must never take for granted. However, what many of us are asking ourselves these days is whether or not it will be possible to have any meaningful dialogue with presidents of countries who continue to express nothing but disdain for America? Given the world’s current state of economic and political chaos, one has to really wonder whether attempts to be fair-minded on the stage of such a political arena will succeed in bringing about peace with known dictators, murderers, and oppressors.

In a civilized society leaders are obligated to act in ways specifically designed to protect the rights of its citizens. Yet, when the citizens become the victims of leaders who threaten them with the loss of those rights, are we in the free world responsible to take action, especially when women remain subjugated and men are allowed “by law” to abuse them? Clearly such behavior is not civilized! And as events unfold in Iran, the question is whether we are witnessing a renaissance or a doomed revolution where those who are fighting for their God-given rights cannot possibly win?

I’m not convinced that there is one right position for America to take at this critical time. Surely, if matters deteriorate in Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, or the Middle East, I don’t believe President Obama will have the luxury of remaining diplomatically safe. If he acts too hastily, though, there will most likely be a heavy political fall-out.

We have no shortage of problems here at home. Our plight is real and too many of us are feeling its impact! We are experiencing an economic upheaval with more people out of work or losing their homes, and our health care system is one in desperate need of reform. The list goes on. But, still, we have the extreme privilege of living in a democracy where Republicans can give voice to a wide range of their differences with Democrats, including the President, and Democrats can look to the past 8 years and know all-too-well the disasters created at home and abroad by the Bush Administration. But, we are able – despite our very real problems – to express our opinions without fearing death or imprisonment. For better or for worse, we do allow extremists on either end of the political spectrum to give voice to hateful prejudices, attempting, at the same time, to draw the line between freedom of speech and the freedom to act in ways that destroy lives and property. What we hope never to do is to allow those who act illegally or immorally to escape the consequences of their actions. In America, as in any free society, everyone is considered innocent until proven guilty. He is then judged in a court of law by a jury of his peers.

That brings to mind my personal horror at seeing photographs this past week of the two journalists in a North Korean Court who were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor. As many are saying, Laura Ling and Euna Lee are clearly being “used” as “bargaining chips” by Kim Jong II. Weeks earlier he had announced his intention to send a satellite into space (something many believed was a cover for a long range missile designed to strike the U.S.). He did, in fact, conduct a nuclear test on May 25th. Then, just days before Laura and Euna's so-called trial, a series of short-ranged missiles were fired. Excuse the pun, but no one needs to be a rocket scientist to figure out the strategy or the goal of such a belligerent act.
So what do we call this if not man’s insatiable lust for power and a total disregard for the rights of other human beings? How do we ever begin to understand the minds of men such as Ahmadinejad or Hitler, for that matter? Theories, of course, abound. But, more striking is the fact that people follow their lead and, in so doing, diminish themselves and the possibility for their survival in the process. Those in Iran who are lighting torches for freedom – even knowing it may cost them their lives – are to be commended. And, at some point soon we are going to have to take a position to defend them and their right to be free.

I know no more than anyone who follows news reports these days, but I know enough to know that I pray for a day when the rule of law truly does rule and when men and women are in positions to lead their people towards a saner, safer existence, one in which the sun can shine without bullets ricocheting, where men and women are afforded the privilege of becoming educated and are then able to use their education to better the lives of all mankind.

IS TO HATE OR NOT TO HATE THE QUESTION?

Hate crimes are occurring with such frequency that we, as a society, seem to have developed an immunity, an acceptance of aberrant acts as being the norm. I feel compelled, therefore, to address the act of HATING as being a dangerously significant psycho-social threat and dilemma of our times.

I question, along with many of you, much of what is happening in our world today. I wonder, as well, however, about the root causes for the hatred that appears so rampant? At what point, for instance, did we develop a collective tolerance for intolerable acts of cruelty? When, if ever, did we stop paying attention to those amongst us who show signs of being anti-social, anti-Semitic, anti-Hispanic, anti-gay, anti-liberal, anti-conservative, anti-poor, anti any minority or any persons who don’t think or behave as we do? And when we do take note, how many of us take action? Who, for instance, challenged James von Brunn, a known bigot who made his hateful opinions public knowledge, as was his constitutional privilege, but then turned his hatred into murder?

Perhaps you have noted, as I have, that the very people who perpetuate hate crimes are those who lack the insight and wisdom to understand their own prejudices/fears/ likes and dislikes for anyone who does not share their race or religion or who does not agree with their views and expresses opinions they cannot tolerate because they do not resonate with their own rigid sense of moral superiority. To such people hatred is a comfortable - albeit in my opinion- sick bed-fellow. And though hatred
may be a very human emotion, need it be one that any of us opts to act upon when all too often those who suffer the most are innocent of any crimes perpetrated against them? They are the victims of hatred. Victims of those who tend to be ego-maniacal, power-hungry individuals who care nothing about the well-being of others and everything about the well-being and preservation of themselves. More often than not, in fact, the very people who are self-proclaimed haters are also the people who – whether consciously or not – are filled with self-loathing which they then project onto others.

These are also the people who lack the ability to experience and express a wide range of emotions, not least of which is the capacity to LOVE. So what they are left with is a keen ability to hate, because hating is easy. Much easier than loving and far less challenging. To hate one merely has to select a vulnerable target, aim one’s hatred at that target and enjoy the rewards that come from destroying their perceived enemy. Unfortunately, though, in the wake of their destructive acts, they also succeed in helping to destroy the very fabric of any civilized society.

To love, on the other hand, brings with it a responsibility towards others as well as an appreciation for one’s self. The primary bonus of knowing what it is to love is to experience the sense of wonder and awe at being alive and appreciating the luxury of living life in a manner that adds to healthy personal relationships and, if possible, adds as well - in whatever ways our individual talents permit – to the progress of mankind.

In the global arena, it seems to have taken the election of a President Obama for us to recognize the absolute need to dialogue not only with our allies but with our admitted enemies? Yet, after the fact, it seems that many are now questioning, I fear, that dialogue implies actions which ultimately will be self-defeating and weak, a relinquishing of our core commitment to freedom and justice. Are we missing the point that if we continue to live in a world where hatred is tolerated we will be living in a far more dangerous world than one in which the causes for such hatred are not addressed? Surely, there are no guarantees that reasonable attempts to communicate with extremists on either end of the political or moral spectrum will result in turning those who by their very nature tend to be unreasonable into being reasonable. Yet, despite that fact, must we not take the position that if we don’t attempt to identify those who hate and prevent them from being able to act in hateful ways, then we, too, are to be held accountable, responsible, culpable?

So, if we are to have a revolution – and God knows there are too many revolutions being fought on every continent these days – why not attempt, at least, to multiply our acts of kindness, to practice our skill at loving and thereby diminish whatever hateful instincts we may possess? Let us aim, at least, to create a world where hate crimes are not only not tolerated but where the impulse to have hateful feelings is overpowered by the majority of loving men and women who courageously express in words and deeds not merely a respect for themselves but the desire to respect and tolerate the thoughts, needs and differences of others.

If ever there was a time to take a personal inventory of what we are willing to speak up against, to make sacrifices for, and to preserve if we are to live comfortably as moral citizens of the world, I believe the time is now!

Do you agree? Whether you do or you don't, I welcome hearing from you.

~ Linda

SURELY TIME IS MORE THAN A MERE CONSTRUCT!

No one questions whether a week has 7 days, a day has 24 hours, an hour 60 minutes, or a minute 60 seconds. The construct works. It serves us well!

Yet, as we age, our sense of TIME inevitably takes on new meanings, challenges us in new and different ways, and becomes either a better friend whom we opt to cherish or a distant relative whom we’d rather not take too seriously or visit with too often.

When I was very young – probably no more than six or seven – I felt, as most children do, that my parents would always be alive, that anyone over 21 was no longer really young, that everyone over 40 was really old, and knew with every fiber in my being that I would never , ever, really be old! Not that I might not live to be old, but that I would never identify with being or feeling old.

But, for me, as for everyone I know, LIFE happens.

On a good day, when I’m feeling particularly blessed, I wake up and realize that the person I married when I was in my 20’s is now 40+ years older; our children who were once our babies now have children of their own; and the aches and pains that I once heard “grown-ups” moan and groan about now reside within my body without ever having asked my permission.

So, what is TIME? Surely it is more than a mere construct. If we don’t question the simple fact about how we measure it, that is because it allows us to move through space and feel (whether rightly so or, in part, due to the illusory nature of time) that our days have – with any luck - both a sense of order and meaning.

On this 7th day of June, I wish to pause for a moment and pay tribute to my husband whose birthday is today. The time we have spent, the life we have shared – the joys, sorrows and most importantly the journey we have traveled and continue to travel - give my life its essential meaning and purpose. Our love for our family and our professions, and our great good fortune in having wonderful friends and dear relatives, makes my TIME all that more precious.

So, on a very personal note, Happy Birthday George … and to everyone else who may share this birth day … may your years multiply in good health and may those who love you find ways to honor you.

~ Linda